For many Chinese Canadian couples, the tea ceremony is the heart of the wedding. It is a quiet, family moment where the couple thank their elders, and the elders welcome them with blessings and gifts. It often happens in the morning at home, or in a quiet room at the venue between photos and the banquet.
Customs vary between Cantonese, Mandarin-speaking, Hakka, Teochew and other families, and between generations, so ask your parents and grandparents how they would like it done.
What happens during the ceremony
The couple kneel or stand in front of each elder in turn and offer a cup of tea with both hands, usually saying the elder's family title. The elder drinks, offers a few words of blessing, and gives the couple a gift, often a red envelope (lai see or hongbao) or gold jewellery.
Traditionally the tea is served first to one partner's family and then the other's, but many Canadian couples do both families on the same morning, one after the other.
Who to serve, and in what order
The usual order is by generation and age: parents first, then grandparents (or grandparents first in some families), then aunts and uncles, then older siblings and cousins. Younger relatives may serve tea to the couple instead. Make a written list with family titles so nobody is missed and the order feels right to everyone.
What you need
- ✦A tea set, often red and decorated with the double happiness character
- ✦Sweet tea, sometimes with red dates, lotus seeds or longans for a sweet and fruitful marriage
- ✦Two chairs for the elders and cushions if you will kneel
- ✦A tray and a helper (often someone from the wedding party) to pour and pass cups
- ✦A small table or bag to hold red envelopes and jewellery safely
Fitting it into the day
A common Canadian timeline is door games and the tea ceremony in the morning, a ceremony at midday, photos in the afternoon and a banquet in the evening. Give the tea ceremony at least 45 minutes for a big family, and tell your photographer, so they arrive in time.
Vendors who know the tradition
Look for a photographer who knows the order of the morning, a decorator who can style a tea table with double happiness signs, and a banquet hall used to multi-course Chinese dinners. On OpenDates, businesses can tick the traditions they know well. Browse Chinese and East Asian wedding businesses across Canada.
Frequently asked questions
When does the tea ceremony happen?
Usually the morning of the wedding, before the main ceremony or banquet. Some families hold it the day before or the day after.
Can we do a tea ceremony with a non-Chinese family too?
Yes. Many couples invite both families, and it is a lovely way for everyone to thank their parents and grandparents.
What do we do with the red envelopes?
Give them to a trusted helper during the ceremony and open them together later, keeping a list so you can send thank-you cards.
Plan it all in one place
Find venues and vendors free on your date with OpenDates, and keep your guest list, budget, wedding website and seating chart together in OpenDates Ever After, free for couples.
Congratulations! Kristina
Photos from Pexels.